Updated: Dec 3, 2019
Now is the right time. Not tomorrow. Not when you will have this or that, not depending on any external condition.
Just close your eyes and imagine yourself waking up, having your day ahead. How do you feel? What are your thoughts? Are you looking forward to going to work, meeting your colleagues, doing some specific tasks? How does your body feel? Do you feel light? Smiling? Or do you feel tension? Stomachache? Tense shoulders? Lump in the throat?
Now open your eyes and look around you. Think about what you have had at dinner yesterday night.
Close your eyes again. Imagine that you are waking up, knowing you will have an amazing day. You know that you will have to do something that you really love to do, that is a true contribution for you and for others. That you will work together with amazing people who are happy to be with you, that are acknowledging your competencies and expertise. Imagine you have time to do whatever you like to do out of the work. That you have got time for yourself and time to spend with people you really like and that really like you. How is your body feeling? Do you find yourself smiling? Is your chest light, has your heart opened?
What is, in your current life, that is making you feeling heavy? Work? Time? Partner in life? Family? An intrusive mother? Family or cultural traditions?
Do you see yourself obliged to go every weekend visiting your parents? Do you lack money? Or do you have all the money in the world, but no time to spend it or even worse, get bored with your life, although you have all the material life you’d ever wished to?
And, most of all, what is stopping you from doing something about it?
See, I am the queen of being pushed to the wall. I mean. I have this incredible ability to be aware of what happens in my life and to acknowledge what is wrong. Yet I don’t especially do something about it, although knowing how to proceed and although I teach it to my coaching clients… And suddenly, I only have to think “enough of this”. And BOOM! An entire piece of my life is collapsing, obliging me to do something about it.
Example. I was not happy in my marriage anymore. Feeling single though being married. Having a life that was miles away from my true self: I was a good wife, a good mother, a good housewife yet a good professional, forgetting my true self, my aspirations, not taking any time for myself. Not nourishing my needs. Instead, continuing blinding me-in the name of love, he was my soulmate, not really questioning it. And then, suddenly: BOOM! My husband left me. My company fired me. I have lost almost everything that was in my life: the love of my life (or at least, what I had assumed that was the love of my life), job, and soon, my house. I have also watched my entire inner world collapse: values, beliefs, reference points from my education. Nothing that I had known, nothing that I had been taught, was true anymore.
Well, I eventually went through all of this, and even better: I built an entire new life from that point. Created my new self, a new work, a new way of life, new beliefs and new values and above all: a life in which everything and nothing is true at the same time. All doors open. But that’s another subject.
Each time I acknowledge some adjustments that should be made, it comes in the form of a collapse.
Is this the right way? Couldn’t be some other way?
I guess it might be the right way for me.
As I am an authentic, whole and passionate person. I guess changes are coming through a form that is in line with my energy.
Other people experience other ways to be pushed to the wall. Illness. Own illness or illness of a dear one. Death of a dear one. Loss of house. Divorce. Lay-off.
Whatever the way: are you going to wait to be pushed to the wall, or are you going to do something now? Because, if you have identified some pieces of your life that need some adjustments, why don’t’ you do them?
In his book “Good to Great”, Jim Collins has reported on his study on how companies were growing from good to great and what were the key behaviors of their leaders. One of them was the ability to “confront the brutal facts”. In order be successful you need to continually refine the path that you are travelling down by facing the harsh facts of reality. There is no point in deluding yourself with false hopes as at the end of the day they will more than likely lead to your demise.
Same with your life path. Confront the brutal facts.
Keep faith but drop the comfort of hope. Hoping that things will sort out with time is putting your head in the sand.
NOW is the right time. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not next month, nor next year. Not when the kids are grown, when you will get promoted, when your house is paid… No, it is NOW.
Gandhi said “be the change you want to see in the world”. It can’t be better expressed than BE.
Think Ockham razor. The simplest solution is most likely the right one. Keep it simple.
Am not saying: resign from your useless, non-sense, stressful, job. Am not saying: leave your spouse or your husband, get divorced. Not saying: cut off all tights with your toxic mother, brother, sister, friend or from everyone in your surroundings. Not saying: leave it all, take off and go live on an island, or in the mountains raising sheep, or on the seacoast setting up a jet ski business.
What I am saying is: put yourself, put your “self”, in the center of your concerns.
Consider what needs adjustments. Take time to take care of your “self.” Your inner life. Take time to be with your “self”. To reflect on what is adjusted, fair, light, fun in life. What do you lack in your life? When did you stop being YOU in order to comply with your surroundings expectations? Or with some moral principles, family beliefs, culture, system ?
Start with little things.
Example. My ex husband and I were part of a group of friends used to organize dinners or barbecues. We were invited almost every weekend, not to say Friday AND Saturday, or were supposed to invite as well. When we (well, "I") were too tired to go, there was this thing we had to do, consisting in saying that we were facing some difficulties with our parents, having to take care of them, or that some grand ma was sick and we had to go and visit her. Never ever, it was allowed to just refuse an invitation, and even worse without sound excuse to do so! There was this constant tension between the two of us, because I was the one to explain that we were simply tired, that we’d had a busy week and needed to rest so “no thank you we will not come to your dinner”. While he was the one who would develop amazing creative skills to find a good excuse in order to make our friends comfortable with the fact that we would decline the invitation. When you reach this point, in your relationships, when you have to lie to your friend and you are not allowed to refuse any invitation without risking your friends to get upset, it means that this friendship is not a contribution to your life anymore. That you are spending time and energy doing things that you don’t want to do.
So, what in your life is time and energy consuming? Are you constantly running between your job, your kids, your partner in life, your family, friends?
What could you stop doing, that if you stop, will give you more of you?
What about your Self? Taking time for yourself only? Taking the time to go for a walk, time to practice some sport, time to learn, read, play, for your passion?
Start cleaning up what is time consuming and not contributory. As I said previously: no need to make a clean sweep of everything. You would be surprised to see what a very little change in your life, aiming to take care of you, and only you, will bring into your life.
As soon as you start taking care of you, of your Self, of what matters for you, things are going to change.
You will meet different people maybe. Get a change in your job, that allows you to be less stressed, or with more time for yourself. You will discover a new sport or new activity that will really nourish you, make you happy and lighter. You will have more creativity and have a clearer idea of what is good for you, how to direct your career or life in general.
But, don't waste time. Now is the right time. Don't postpone. Start with something. No matter what, no matter how small the action is. You've got to chose yourself. NOW.